|
|
Bubba is driving down a back road in Texas.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself, "Thems my 3 favorites!"
Monday, February 28, 2011
Good bye Mom
| |
Hope this touches you the way it touched me!
Goodbye Mom 
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
From the office of Congressman Todd Akin, More lies and damned lies!
Sent: February 23, 2011 10:31 AM
Subject: From the office of Congressman Todd Akin
 | |
|
Dear Daniel:
Thank you contacting me regarding H.R. 358, the Protect Life Act. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.
As you already know, the government takeover of health care became law on March 23, 2010, without my support or the support of any Republicans. H.R. 3590 did not include language that would prohibit federal funding of abortions. In order to gain the votes of a group of pro-life Democrats, President Obama issued an Executive Order prohibiting federally funded abortions. However, an Executive Order does not in any way change the law, and can be reversed or altered at the stroke of a pen by this or any subsequent President without any congressional approval or notice.
Since Roe v. Wade, courts have viewed the decision as a statutory mandate that the government must provide federal funding for elective abortion in federal programs. In other words, no Executive Order or regulation can override a statutory mandate unless Congress passes a law that prohibits federal funding from being used in this manner.
In order to prohibit taxpayer-funded abortions, a law needs to be enacted. I am a cosponsor of H.R. 358, which amends the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act to prevent federal funding for abortion or abortion coverage through government exchanges, community health centers, or any other program funded or created by PPACA.
As a committed member of the Pro-Life Caucus, please know that I will work tirelessly to stop the deaths of innocent children that H.R. 3590 will inevitably cause. Thank you once again for your support and action, and for taking the time to keep me updated with your views. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of any further assistance. It is a privilege to represent you and I hope that you will not hesitate to contact me regarding any matter where I might be of assistance. Please visit my website, where you can find more information on current issues, share further thoughts with me via email and subscribe to my e-newsletter for updates on issues you care about. Sincerely,  Todd Akin |
Facebook 
Twitter 
YouTube 
E-Newsletter
Please feel free to visit my website at http://akin.house.gov/ to contact me and let me know the issues that concern you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Some interesting tidbits...
Stuff you didn't know you didn't know!
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
| |
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------
Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Coca-Cola was
originally green.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%
------------
--------- --- ------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:
61,000
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- -
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander,
the Great
Diamonds - Julius
Caesar
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes
------------
------ --- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A.
Obsession
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers have in common?
A. All were invented
by women.
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. What is the only
food that doesn't spoil?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Retired husband - FUNNY AS HELL!
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally, unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and we have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'why can't you people just leave me alone?’ EMT’s were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your middle will spread. (How's that for a curse??) WHAT? It's already come true?
Then send it anyway--you've got nothing' to lose!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Missouri war vets, Application War Medallion
Your message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
Application WarMedallion
Application WarMedallion
Note: To protect against computer viruses, e-mail programs may prevent sending or receiving certain types of file attachments. Check your e-mail security settings to determine how attachments are handled.
FUNERAL HOME IN ALABAMA (funny)
WOMEN ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS. BE SURE that you read the story of the memorial stone at the end!
FELLOWS KEEP IN MIND THE WIFE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU UNTIL THE VERY END.
SAY IT AIN'T SO!
THIS IS A FUNERAL HOME IN ALABAMA !
Just when you thought you've seen everything .....
DEAD in his favorite chair (reclined), remote in hand ...
Don't miss the new, silky, black & gold pjs, slippers and beer!
And are those a pack of Newport 's in his ashtray?
AND the football game is ON!
So, you thought you'd seen it all, eh?!
THE MEMORIAL STONE
Billy died.... His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
"Well, I'm sure Billy would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Joyce .. "Thirty thousand dollars."
"No!" Jonelle exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Joyce answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The whiskey, wine, food and snacks were another $500.. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."
Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"
Joyce answered, "Two and a half carats
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Free Health Care
FLAVOR00-NONE-0000-0000-000000000000 ;
If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and; if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.
Bacon Grease warning
There is nothing better to fry eggs, pop corn,
Seasoned beans, or seasoned cornbread.
But I didn't know this can happen!!!!
I just threw out my last 2 lbs of bacon grease!!
This is what happens when you keep
Seasoned beans, or seasoned cornbread.
But I didn't know this can happen!!!!
IF YOU HAVE EVER INGESTED BACON GREASE IN ANY FORM.
PLEASE READ THIS!!!!
Bacon Grease warning
The question is: Do you use bacon grease?
We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids
and even into adulthood. I will never use it again.
I hope you will throw yours away whenever you
fry bacon from now on. It seems nothings is
safe to eat anymore.
COOKING WITH BACON GREASE
I just threw out my last 2 lbs of bacon grease!!
This is what happens when you keep
cooking with bacon grease
This is a warning, send this to everyone
you care about.
Warn everyone !!
Bacon grease will make your feet shrink
Friday, February 11, 2011
Read this shit! From the office of Congressman Todd Akin
Sent: February 11, 2011 12:36 PM
Subject: From the office of Congressman Todd Akin
| | |
|
Dear Daniel:
Thank you for contacting me regarding H.R. 3, the No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.
H.R. 3 was introduced on January 20, 2011 by Congressman Chris Smith (R-NJ). I am proud to be an original cosponsor of this legislation. As you may know, H.R. 3590 was passed by the House and Senate and then signed by the President on March 23, 2010. I actively opposed and voted against this legislation for many reasons, including its lack of protection for preborn human life.
There has been confusion over whether this legislation allows for taxpayer funded abortions. Sadly, it does. While the original House health care bill included language similar to the Hyde amendment, H.R. 3590 omitted this language. It also failed to include conscience protections for life-affirming medical professionals. President Obama issued an Executive Order in regards to abortion funding in the healthcare law. However, this in itself cannot restrict the funding of abortions by taxpayer dollars.
History has demonstrated that unless abortion is explicitly excluded in the enabling legislation, administrative agencies and the courts will mandate it. We have seen this time and again. Initially, the federal Medicaid statute was silent on abortion, but because prior administrations and the courts deemed abortion-on-demand to be mandated coverage, over 300,000 abortions were performed yearly before the Hyde Amendment banned public funding for abortion in Medicaid. In 1979, Congressman Henry Hyde asked the Indian Health Service how they had the statutory authority to pay for abortions. The agency responded, "We have no basis for refusing to pay for abortions." In these two instances, explicit exclusion of abortion services needed to be included in law to ensure taxpayers would not have to continue to pay for abortions.
The issue is clear: if abortion is not explicitly excluded, it is implicitly included in any health care reform package passed by Congress.
Life-affirming Americans rightly object to liberal politicians in Washington forcing their values on Americans in the face of strong moral opposition. And most Americans oppose taxpayer funding of abortions. Yet those who support a policy of abortion on demand seem determined to use our tax dollars to pay for it.
You can be sure that I will continue to work to protect innocent human life at all stages of development – and oppose any taxpayer funding of abortion. Abortion is not health care and I will not rest until our laws once again prohibit tax dollars going to pay for abortions in any way whatsoever.
Again, thank you for taking the time to contact my office. Please know that I will continue to work for my fellow Missourians in the legislative matters I am able to address.
It is a privilege to represent you and I hope that you will not hesitate to contact me regarding any matter where I might be of assistance. Please visit my website, where you can find more information on current issues, share further thoughts with me via email and subscribe to my e-newsletter for updates on issues you care about. Sincerely, Todd Akin |
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
E-Newsletter
Please feel free to visit my website at http://akin.house.gov/ to contact me and let me know the issues that concern you.
Look at the Calendar
Hope we all get money every five days!
This year July has 5 Fridays 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays . This
apparently happens once every 823 years. This is called
Money bags. So send this on and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on
Chinese feng shui the one who does not pass this on
Will have money troubles for the rest of the year... (Don't Want it to
be me)
| |
apparently happens once every 823 years. This is called
Money bags. So send this on and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on
Chinese feng shui the one who does not pass this on
Will have money troubles for the rest of the year... (Don't Want it to
be me)
Let's hope we never get this bad!
Let's hope we never get this bad!
An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal.
The doctor says, " Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Gary replies, "God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof* the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary 's wife.
"Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof* the light goes off?"
"OH MY GOD!" Marianne exclaims.
"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!!!!"
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Protect Missouri's clean energy future
Hello!
I thought you might be interested in this alert from the Union of Concerned Scientists. Please add your signature to this petition today. It will be hand-delivered to Governor Nixon and will help create clean energy jobs and generate economic activity in Missouri. If you go to the URL below you can check out the details and send your own message. Then please forward this email to 10 friends. We really need your help to spread the word.
To take action on this issue, click on the link below:
http://action.ucsusa.org/site/Advocacy?s_oo=rW8jBmYBGdTTwOcEvkMoZA..&id=2769 If the text above does not appear as a link or it wraps across multiple lines, then copy and paste it into the address area of your browser.
If you no longer wish to receive email messages sent from your friends on behalf of this organization, please follow the link below:
http://action.ucsusa.org/site/TellFriendOpt?action=optout&toe=f0e1a505ce847d8...
Fw: Asparagus -- Who knew ? Don't know if this is true or not just forwarding it on
?
Don't know if this is true or not just forwarding it on
>
> Asparagus -- Who knew ?
>
>
> My Mom had been taking the full-stalk canned style
>
> asparagus that she pureed and she took 4 tablespoons in
>
> the morning and 4 tablespoons later in the day. She did
>
> this for over a month. She is on chemo pills for Stage 3
>
> lung cancer in the pleural area and her cancer cell
>
> count went from 386 down to 125 as of this past week.
>
> Her oncologist said she does not need to see him for 3
>
> months.
>
>
> THE ARTICLE:
>
> Several years ago, I had a man seeking asparagus for a
>
> friend who had cancer. He gave me a photocopied copy
>
> of an article, entitled, Asparagus for cancer 'printed in
>
> Cancer News Journal, December 1979. I will share it
>
> here, just as it was shared with me: I am a
>
> biochemist, and have specialized in the relation of diet
Don't know if this is true or not just forwarding it on
>
> Asparagus -- Who knew ?
>
>
> My Mom had been taking the full-stalk canned style
>
> asparagus that she pureed and she took 4 tablespoons in
>
> the morning and 4 tablespoons later in the day. She did
>
> this for over a month. She is on chemo pills for Stage 3
>
> lung cancer in the pleural area and her cancer cell
>
> count went from 386 down to 125 as of this past week.
>
> Her oncologist said she does not need to see him for 3
>
> months.
>
>
> THE ARTICLE:
>
> Several years ago, I had a man seeking asparagus for a
>
> friend who had cancer. He gave me a photocopied copy
>
> of an article, entitled, Asparagus for cancer 'printed in
>
> Cancer News Journal, December 1979. I will share it
>
> here, just as it was shared with me: I am a
>
> biochemist, and have specialized in the relation of diet
>
> to health or over 50 years. Several years ago, I learned
>
> of the discovery of Richard R. Vensal, D.D.S. that
>
> asparagus might cure cancer. Since then, I have worked
>
> with him on his project We have accumulated a number
>
> of favorable case histories. Here are a few examples:
>
>
> Case No. 1, A man with an almost hopeless case
>
> of Hodgkin's disease (cancer of the lymph glands)
>
> who was completely incapacitated. Within 1 year of
starting
>
> the asparagus therapy, his doctors were unable to
>
> detect any signs of cancer, and he was back on a
>
> schedule of strenuous exercise.
>
>
> Case No. 2 , a successful businessman 68 years old
>
> who suffered from cancer of the bladder for 16 years.
>
> After years of medical treatments, including radiation
>
> without improvement, he went on asparagus. Within 3
>
> months, examinations revealed that his bladder tumor
>
> had disappeared and that his kidneys were normal.
>
>
> Case No. 3, a man who had lung cancer. On March 5th
1971, he
>
> was put on the operating table where they found
>
> lung cancer so widely spread that it was inoperable.
>
> The surgeon sewed him up and declared his case
>
> hopeless. On April 5th he heard about the Asparagus
>
> therapy and immediately started taking it By August,
>
> x-ray pictures revealed that all signs of the cancer had
>
> disappeared..
>
> He is back at his regular business routine.
>
>
> Case No. 4, a woman who was troubled for a number of
>
> years with skin cancer. She finally developed different
>
> skin cancers which were diagnosed by the acting
>
> specialist as advanced. Within 3 months after starting
>
> on asparagus, her skin specialist said that her skin
>
> looked fine and no more skin lesions. This woman
>
> reported that the asparagus therapy also cured her
>
> kidney disease, which started in 1949. She had over 10
>
> operations for kidney stones, and was receiving
>
> government disability payments for an inoperable,
>
> terminal, kidney condition. She attributes the cure of
>
> this kidney trouble entirely to the asparagus.
>
>
> I was not surprised at this result, as `The elements of
>
> materia medica', edited in1854 by a Professor at the
>
> University of Pennsylvania , stated that asparagus was
>
> used as a popular remedy for kidney stones. He even
>
> referred to experiments, in 1739, on the power of
>
> asparagus in dissolving stones. Note the dates!
>
> We would have other case histories but the medical
>
> establishment has interfered with our obtaining some
>
> of the records. I am therefore appealing to readers to
>
> spread this good news and help us to gather a large
>
> number of case histories that will overwhelm the
>
> medical skeptics about this unbelievably simple and
>
> natural remedy.
>
>
> For the treatment , asparagus should be cooked
>
> before using, and therefore canned asparagus is just
>
> as good as fresh. I have corresponded with the two
>
> leading canners of asparagus, Giant and Stokely, and I
>
> am satisfied that these brands contain no pesticides or
>
> preservatives.
>
> Place the cooked asparagus in a blender and liquefy to
>
> make a puree, and store in the refrigerator. Give the
>
> patient 4 full tablespoons twice daily, morning and
>
> evening. Patients usually show some improvement in
>
> 2-4 weeks.. It can be diluted with water and used as a
>
> cold or hot drink. This suggested dosage is based on
>
> present experience, but certainly larger amounts can do
>
> no harm and may be needed in some cases. As a
>
> biochemist I am convinced of the old saying that `what
>
> cures can prevent.' Based on this theory, my wife and I
>
> have been using asparagus puree as a beverage with
>
> our meals. We take 2 tablespoons diluted in water to
>
> suit our taste with breakfast and with dinner. I take
>
> mine hot and my wife prefers hers cold. For years we
>
> have made it a practice to have blood surveys taken as
>
> part of our regular checkups.
>
>
> The last blood survey,
>
> taken by a medical doctor who specializes in the
>
> nutritional approach to health, showed substantial
>
> improvements in all categories over the last one, and
>
> we can attribute these improvements to nothing but
>
> the asparagus drink.
>
> As a biochemist, I have made an extensive study of all
>
> aspects of cancer, and all of the proposed cures. As a
>
> result, I am convinced that asparagus fits in better
>
> with the latest theories about cancer.
>
>
> Asparagus contains a good supply of protein called
>
> histones , which are believed to be active in controlling
>
> cell growth.. For that reason, I believe asparagus can
>
> be said to contain a substance that I call cell growth
>
> normalizer . That accounts for its action on cancer and
>
> in acting as a general body tonic. In any event,
>
> regardless of theory, asparagus used as we suggest, is
>
> a harmless substance. The FDA cannot prevent you
>
> from using it and it may do you much good. It has
>
> been reported by the US National Cancer Institute, that
>
> asparagus is the highest tested food containing
>
> glutathione , which is considered one of the body's
>
> most potent anticarcinogens and antioxidants.
>
>
> Please send this article to everyone in your Address Book.
>
> The most unselfish act one can ever do is paying forward
>
> all the kindness one has received, even to the most
>
> undeserved person.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
100 Ways to Feed Your Lover
From: Fine Cooking
Sent: February 08, 2011 12:58 PM
Subject: eLetter: 100 Ways to Feed Your Lover
|
February 8, 2011
Addicted to Love
Impress your Valentine with chocolate-dipped sweets and addictive truffles. The truffles are simple to make and the Recipe Maker lets you create endless flavor combinations that—like love—can be spicy, sweet, or even a little nutty.
Simple Chocolate Truffles
Make your own chocolate truffles
Chocolate-Dipped Strawberries
Chocolate-Dipped Espresso Cookies
More homemade Valentine's Day sweets
|
 Baked Eggs with Chives & Cream |
Tender Coffee Cake with Brown Sugar Streusel
 Candied Bacon |
Table for Two (And a Free Download!)
 |
| |
| |
A Spicy Valentine's Day Dinner
Valentine's Day Use-Your-Hands Menu
 |
Fine Cooking Magazine
Breakfast food for morning, noon, and night
 |
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